Hysterical Health Post... & Pizza!

Did you guys read this post on Gluten-Free Girl & The Chef? I've been thinking about it all week. It's so true, isn't it—that going gluten-free, while limiting your gas station snack options, really opens up your palate. How it really can be a healthier way of eating, when done properly. "Safety in vegetables" could be our new motto! Wasn't it Michael Pollan who said to shop only from the perimeter of the grocery store? We have that built-in: I can eat practically nothing from the center of my local supermarket. And that's a good thing.

It's not even really about the gluten. Well, for me it is, and for you too, probably. But white flour is really quite disgusting. Bulk flour used in commercial baking has bleach and antibiotics in it. Bleach? Bleach? And what about potassium bromate? From Wikipedia:

"Potassium bromate has been banned from use in food products in Europe, Canada, and some other countries. It was banned in Sri Lanka in 2001 and China in 2005...In the United States, it has not been banned... Instead, since 1991 the FDA has urged bakers to voluntarily stop using it. In California a warning label is required when bromated flour is used."

I first read about this on a little sign at Mozzarelli's, a health-oriented pizza joint on 23rd Street. I was SHOCKED. I already view gluten as a sort of poison, but now... well, geeze. I look forward to a day when our ingredients list really tell us what's inside a product—not just the allergens, but the toxins, too. That will make eating healthy REALLY easy. In the meantime, we'll have to stick to foods which don't need a label. So I'll see you at the farmer's market, since even our fruits and vegetables have stickers on them now. Or see you at Mozzarelli's, for a slice of gluten-free (or un-bromated spelt flour, for you regular-stomached people) pizza.

Olivia vs. Pizza

The nice thing about being a blogger is that I can enjoy a bad experience. OK, maybe "enjoy" is a little over-the-top. I'm not a masochist. I just look forward to the vindication of publicly exposing the worst gluten-free pizza I have ever eaten.

I'd been looking forward to trying Slice for about a year, but for some reason hadn't made it to points west. (Here is where I would normally list the address of the establishment. I won't. You'll see why in the coming paragraphs.)

When a friend had tickets to a theater nearby, we decided this was the perfect dinner: frugal, convenient, and catering to both our palates—gluten and gluten-free.

Even the logo is slightly demonic.

At first glimpse, the pizza looked appetizing. You can't really go wrong with melted cheese (as I always say) and the ingredients claimed to be organic. The toppings were fine, albeit subtly applied, but I'm not here to talk about toppings. There is truly no way to screw up the top of a pizza.

The problem here, as you can see, is the crust. Please note the steak knife here, used for scale. Please note the geometric proportions of the dough. "Thin crust" is a style, implying other qualities apparent: texture, flavor, consistency.

I'd make a better pizza on a brown paper bag. Astronauts enjoy better pizza in outer-space. Dogs enjoy a more uniform quality in their bagged kibble.

What a racket. My friend, who had two unexceptional slices of "regular" pizza, ran up a bill of $7.00. My personal pan (the only option for gluten-free) was $15. I am generally accustomed to spending upwards of $15 on a dinner, especially when paying the extra fee for something gluten-free. I don't care. That is not the issue. The issue is that BLOCKS away are Risotteria and Keste Pizza, with chewy, mouth-watering, yeasty, salty, greasy, delicious pies, waiting to be chewed with a normal set of teeth.

Ugh, you guys! I thought we were past this. I thought it was no longer acceptable to hawk sandcakes. I take a stand! A stand against gritty textures the world over!

Pala Pizza

Just another snowy night in January... whenever I am in the Lower East Side I try to finagle a way to make my way to Pala Pizza on Allen Street. Fortunately for my palate, my outing companion was also hungry for cheese and sauce and all things good.

We were feeling decadent, so we ordered an appetizer: the arancini, risotto balls filled with spinach and mozzarella cheese. KILL ME! They have a dedicated fryer, so there's calamari too.

[A little detail shot here, I aim for food porn whenever possible.]

Really though: the pizza is where it's at. This picture does NOT do it justice, it was like, THE REAL THING. But with awesome ingredients—here we have the Romana: sweet pecorino cheese, field mushrooms, tomato sauce, and fresh parsley. Yeah. The cost of both our giant pizzas (gluten-free does NOT cost more) (!) and the appetizer totaled $40. Both of us took half home for lunch the next day, which is to say, 1 pizza is 2 meals.

AND they have a nice selection of wine, they sell gluten-free beer, and they have a giant window through which to watch the snow fall.

TRIPLE PIZZA UPDATE:

Today I was thinking that the saddest thing about being gluten-free is no longer pizza. There are endless options, all over the city! Take this billboard, for example!

Maximo Pino, on Sixth Avenue at 13th street.

Then, Grubstreet announced some new pizza locations, amongst them a pizza chain called zpizza. Anyone been there? Apparently it's all over the country!

Then I discovered this frozen pizza (looks good) at Whole Foods. Bella Monica - who's tried it?

The saddest thing about being gluten-free now? Bagels. I can have them at home - Udi's are the best - but when you're late to work and tired and all you want is a hot coffee from the coffee cart and a fattening cream cheese slathered orb of joy? Or when you live in New York and just want to indulge in the chewy culinary specialty of your city? With olive cream cheese? Enough.

DIY Pizza Night!

When people get all oh man that sucks on my gluten situation I'm all yo man the best stuff in a sandwich is BETWEEN the bread and that really makes them stop and think for a minute. Saturday night we had PIZZA NIGHT and let me tell you the toppings were TOP NOTCH. Is the best part of pizza cheese? And homemade sauce and fresh arugula? Yes. Now you're talking.

My generous hosts provided Whole Foods Gluten-Free Bakehouse brand pizza crusts. I hadn't tried them before and I was pretty excited. And yes, I made the chef dig through the trash to find out the exact brand name. All for you, readers. All for you!



Options: olives, sundried tomatoes, pear, ricotta, and you can see my crusts there, round and glowing like a full moon on a summer's night.

I have been a fan of the Glutino crust in the past, my choice determined mostly by cost. They are usually around $5.99 for 4 crusts, at Whole Foods. Plus they are personal-pan sized and I'm not usually at a party. Everyone tried my two experimentations and agreed the crust was somewhere on the level of "hey, not bad!" And that it tasted like pita. I'm OK with that.

Again: the pepperoni. The sharp cheddar. I'll say no more. And cooked a REALLY hot oven they turned out crisp and light.

Danger! Danger!

Oddly enough, directly across the street from Risotteria ("New York's pioneer gluten-free restaurant") is Keste Pizza & Vino which serves - you guessed it, gluten-free pizza on Monday and Tuesday nights. I love Risotteria, like, wanna marry it, so I felt guilty making a right turn into the unfamiliar glass door of this competition.

Oh. So worth it.

While they don't offer the other indulgent delights Risotteria offers (GF Beer selection, GF breadsticks, GF cupcakes, etc.) I actually liked the pizza a bit more. It was...

Chewy.

Can you tell which one is gluten-free?

I have always loved a thicker crust. Though not brick-oven baked like the regular pizza (gluten free is on the left, with a slightly less charred exterior) it still had a beautiful consistency.

According to my glutenous co-diners, who I forced to sample my pie, it tastes "exactly the same" up until the very edge of the crust - it's a little bit doughier.

The ingredients were top notch - cheese, basil, tomato - and my only complaint was that it was quite SALTY. OH WELL. Wash it down with some house Montepulciano!

[Also they served my salad with a slice of bread on it... but the waiter offered to make me another one, once he saw the look of abject horror on my face. The price you pay, eating at part-time gf restaurant (vs. full-time Risotteria).]

Best pizza yet? It just might be. You have to get this whole big pie to yourself (I ate 3/4 of it because I lack self control around melted cheese) and it's not cheap: mine was $18. If you are a person with self control, you could divide $18/2 and call it two $9 meals. I am not that person. So the slices at Mozzarelli's will always be near and dear to my heart/wallet. And for a special occasion? I want a beer and a cupcake, too. (Risotteria.) So I don't know when I'll be back...but I will revisit it in my memory frequently, salivating, stomach growling. Try it, let me know what you think!

THIS JUST IN:

via email,

Seriously, folks. It's a revolution out there. I expect to eat myself straight into obese poverty because yet another restaurant is offering not one - but three new gluten-free pizzas. And it's SO close to my office.

(Note: Have not forgotten my promise to review Slice. )

Kesté Pizza & Vino

GF Pizza is available Mondays & Tuesdays
@ 271 Bleecker Street